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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27670721">your eyes look like coming home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omgsomeonesomewhereonearth/pseuds/Omgsomeonesomewhereonearth'>Omgsomeonesomewhereonearth</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(for a bit), Childhood Best Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Janus is the one pining, Light Angst, Light Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Mostly Fluff, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, and sad, five times/one time, proposal fic, relationship progression, they love eachother, those are all the tags i can think of please enjoy this, tw alcohol, tw being drunk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:14:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,471</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27670721</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omgsomeonesomewhereonearth/pseuds/Omgsomeonesomewhereonearth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The five times Patton asks Janus to marry him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>95</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>your eyes look like coming home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The first time Patton asks Janus to marry him, it’s a dare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi! Do you wanna be married?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus stares blankly at the nervous-looking kid in front of him, fiddling with the sleeves of his grubby school cardigan as he stared back at Janus, through large, almost owlish glasses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s confused for a second, then he looks over the kid’s shoulder, and sees the familiarly smug faces in the background, smirking and whispering like they’ve just seen something very funny.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks back at the kid – he’s new, just joined last week. Named Patrick or something. He didn’t seem like he’d be involved with the mean kids, with his big, nervous brown eyes and fidgety behaviour. His soft, round face holds a nervous grin as he looks earnestly back at Janus, who’s now glaring exclusively back at the ones watching them</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” he finds himself saying, instead of no.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy – Peter? – flushes a little, looking at his feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um – well -I it’s er, it’s the game.” He gives the explanation like he’s asking a question, prodding the playground floor with his scuffed trainers. “We’re playing, they said – er, I need to find someone to say yes and marry me – but it’s just pretend though – and um, so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah, so they were both being made fun of.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“They don’t want to play with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy’s face falls instantly. “Why not?” he asks, tilting his head to one side. Janus glances at the group, still smirking superiorly at him and – Paul?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because.” He snaps, not entirely unkindly, “Go find someone else to ask, or they won’t want to play with you either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy looks crestfallen for a second, but a look of determination overtakes his face, small mouth forming into a thin, angry line.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I don’t want to play with them.” He declares with a toss of his curly head, sitting himself down next to Janus on the playground floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The flock immediately stops smirking, muttering furiously to one another.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not a good idea…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t care.” The boy thrusts a small, chubby hand out at him. “I’m Patton.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The second time, it’s a joke, but also a promise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re sitting on opposite ends of Patton’s cramped twin bed, doing everything but the homework they wanted to meet up to solve, and Janus is pretending he’s not all too aware of their feet just barely touching each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, do you remember that time I asked if you would marry me?” Patton giggles, a sudden mischievous look taking over his face, dimples popping in and out as he looks back at Janus.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you mean the first thing you ever said to me?” Janus replies airily, swelling with pride as Patton laughs even harder, scrunching his nose up in delight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, you never gave me an answer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus’s heart skips a beat. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No it doesn’t, shut up </span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His laugh is carefully nonchalant as he replies, “What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you never said! Would you marry me or not?” Patton laughs, “You’ve kinda left me hanging for years, if you think about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s joking. This is a bit, Janus knows that. it doesn’t stop his traitorous heart from beating just that much faster as he smirks back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Certainly, in like fifty years when we’re both old and lonely and we’re the only ones who can stand each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t believe it, obviously. He knows that he and Patton will always be together, but he doesn’t believe for a second that Patton won’t find someone, with his unbearable kind heart and his wide, honest eyes, and whoever it was would be damn lucky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton laughs in delight at his response. “Ha! Sounds like a plan! Ooh – hold on!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then he’s jumping off the bed, going to rummage in his desk drawers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Celebrating our engagement properly! Be patient!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then he’s kneeling next to the bed, smiling cheekily up at Janus, a length of pale blue ribbon in his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, I don’t have a ring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re ridiculous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hand!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, Patton ties the ribbon in a neat bow on Janus’ ring finger and kisses it quick before leaning back to gaze at him in satisfaction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There. Now you’re stuck with me no matter what.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus doesn’t tell him that was going to happen regardless.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span> ---</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Neither of them likes to talk about the third time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus shoves his way past the teeming crowd of drunk dancers, craning his neck to spot a crop of dark curls or a pastel jumper. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Goddamnit </span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t supposed to leave Patton’s side, he had suggested coming out here tonight as a way of cheering Patton up, and it had been working, until </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>had walked in, complete with brand new attractive arm candy, and…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finally finds him out in the empty garden, clutching a beer can that looks to be mostly empty, staring blankly at the sky. He’s not actively crying, but as Janus walks over, he can make out the tear tracks on his face even in the dark.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So he’s definitely seen them.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Patton?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Janus.” His voice is subdued, and there’s a slight slur to the words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, Pat,” He starts, “If I’d known he’d be here...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s ‘kay Jan, ‘m fine,” Patton reassures in a way that is not reassuring at all. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes and it’s painfully brittle, like it might shatter into a thousand pieces any minute. Recently, Janus has seen that smile a few too many times for his liking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Patton, no.” he replies firmly, but gently, “You’re drunk and heartbroken, and I’m at least partially responsible for that. I’m going to take you home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But drunk Patton is somehow even more stubborn than sober Patton can be at times, and he shakes his head resolutely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janus, no.” he pouts, “ ‘m not that drunk, an’ ‘m not…not sad, an’ I don’t wanna go home.” He nods clumsily, having made his point, and then proceeds to stare blankly at the sky again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus sighs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, then I’m drunk. And sad. And I need someone to take me home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ever more attentive to other’s needs than his own, that gets Patton’s attention, the beautiful idiot that he is. Slowly, he nods and clambers to his feet, gripping Janus’ hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither of them drives, and Patton’s place is closer, so Janus walks them there, Patton clinging firmly to his side every step of the way. Janus can’t tell if it’s for balance or comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he gets them both inside the flat, Patton’s first words are, “Don’t leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gazes up at Janus with red-rimmed eyes, “I don’t like bein’ here alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus’s heart aches at that, and he nods. He’d always found it hard to say know to Patton, especially when he’s like this, and especially when he asks for so little as it is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Similarly, he can’t bring himself to refuse Patton’s beseeching gaze when he tucks him in and moves to sleep on the couch. So, a few moments later finds them in bed together, Janus staring at the ceiling and wondering how Patton can’t hear his heartbeat. They’ve shared a bed before, of course. But not in a long time. Certainly not since Patton started seeing </span>
  <em>
    <span>him </span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw them, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He does know. “Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm. D’you think he loves him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus sighs, “I don’t know, Patton.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D’you think he loved me?” Patton’s voice is so soft, so resigned, so plaintive that Janus damn near breaks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know I can’t answer that, Patton.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes I think he didn’t.” Patton admits matter-of-factly, “I tried so, so, hard, but he just didn’t. Ever. I wonder if anyone ever really will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a scrap of faded blue ribbon tied on the end of Janus’ keyring that answers that question, but Janus doesn’t bring it up. He doesn’t have to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know I know you’re not really drunk. Or sad.” Patton turns to look at him, his eyes gentle and frank.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re jus’ lookin’ out for me. Like you always do. D’you remember that time I said we should get married when we’re all old an’ stuff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t trust himself to speak. “Hmm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton smiles wanly. “I wish we could jus’ do that now. We’d jus’ have each other an’ it wouldn’ matter if no one loves me ‘cause I’ve got you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their faces are inches apart and Janus has never wanted anything more than he wants to kiss Patton right now, to kiss his tears away and tell him he’d never be alone, because Janus wouldn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>let </span>
  </em>
  <span>him – but he can’t. For a variety of reasons.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go to sleep, Patton.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span> ---</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The fourth time, it comes out of nowhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s two – three? Some godforsaken hour of the morning and Janus has work tomorrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And for some reason, his delightful boyfriend has decided that it is a perfect time to be awake and shuffling around to sit up in bed, and turn his bedside lamp on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janus?” he whispers his name like he thinks it might break in his mouth, and God, Janus loves him, but he needs him to shut up and go to sleep right the hell now. He doesn’t move or open his eyes, lying with his face half buried in his pillow despite feeling Patton’s gaze on his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janus, sweetie?” he whispers again, “Are you awake?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“…</span>
  <em>
    <span> No. </span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sleeping. Can’t hear you. Zzzzz…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton huffs out  a soft laugh. “I think we should get married.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus stiffens. What? They’d barely been dating two months, they hadn’t even talked about marriage – at least, since they’d been dating. He had no idea it was on Patton’s mind, how long had he…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And more importantly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>why was he bringing it up now?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Apparently taking his stunned silence to be outright rejection, Patton tries to backtrack quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know, it’s not been very long and I totally understand if you don’t want to because it’s too soon.” Janus feels a gentle hand rest itself on the blanket right above his shoulder, “I wasn’t really thinking of it either, but I couldn’t sleep just now and I couldn’t stop thinking, you know, about us, and you remember when we were kids, and all that stuff we always joked about, and how even though we’ve not been dating that long we’ve been together basically forever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He trails off, giggling self-consciously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then you did something really cute in your sleep, you like, cuddled up to me and it hit me now I don’t think I ever want this to end.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus finally sits up and faces the love of his life, who is looking back at him with a gaze that can only be described as besotted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really love you, Janus. I want to be married to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a small, knowing smile, Janus leans forward and cups Patton’s face in his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Patton. Angel. Darling. Light of my life. I love you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“…And that is why I categorically refuse to let you propose to me while you’re wearing your Winnie the Pooh pyjamas. Please let me sleep now, and I promise I will say yes no matter how you ask me next.” And with that, Janus places a kiss on the end of his boyfriend’s nose, turns around, and falls asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span> ---</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The fifth time is more or less perfect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, he says more or less. Patton is perfect, in a neatly pressed pastel button-down, his curls bouncing in the gentle spring breeze despite all his valiant efforts to tame it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus has made an effort to look his best as well, having had a feeling something special was coming. He hadn’t mentioned it of course, but with the way Patton had been jumping up and down in his seat as he drove them here, the way he had insisted on planning every aspect of this date himself – well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suffice to say his future husband had never been the best at keeping secrets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The location Patton’s picked had certainly been perfect, atop a lush green hill with the kind of majestic cherry blossom tree you only see in romantic movies, pink blossoms practically dripping off its branches as they swayed in the wind, and beautiful rolling hills all around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What isn’t perfect is when the two of them finally get comfortable on the hilltop, and Janus leaning against the wide tree trunk while Patton gets to unpacking the picnic he’s put together so meticulously, and it starts raining, almost instantaneously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I checked the forecast like three times, it was supposed to be clear skies!” Patton whines back in the car once they’ve finished packing up their things and run to safety, watching the light drips of rain get slowly heavier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry dearest, I suppose the universe just doesn’t want this date to be.” Janus chuckles wryly, as he hands Patton’s dried glasses back to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Eff</span>
  </em>
  <span> the universe,” Patton grumbles, glaring adorably at the raindrop speckled windshield.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, they play old love songs on the car music player and drink champagne and tuck into entirely too cute bite-sized picnic foods and talk and laugh and playfully flirt and point out constellations formed by the raindrops on the glass, and eventually, Patton stops pouting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The conversation has slowly wound down and they’re quietly enjoying each other's company when he turns to Janus, taking a deep breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God knows I’ve never been able to keep anything from you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why, whatever could you be talking about, my dearest?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“…So, this probably isn’t a surprise to you in the least.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton reaches into the picnic basket and pulls out a small box. It’s a pale yellow, tied in in blue ribbon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re my best friend, Janus,” his hands are steady, but his voice is already wavering, “You’ve always been here, my whole life, whether I need someone to help, or to talk to, or even just to cry at. I’ve loved you in so many different ways.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus feels tears pricking at his eyes and blinks them away quickly; he refuses to miss a second of this, he wants the image of Patton’s earnest, loving face to be clear as day in his mind when he looks back on this whenever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“..And I don’t ever want us to stop loving each other, so, hopefully for the last time ever, will you marry me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughs breathlessly and takes the box, delicately undoing the ribbon. It’s a cupcake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A tiny, perfect cupcake with frilly blue icing, a golden ring in the shape of the tiniest coiled snake in the world, embedded in the icing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like it?” Patton asks hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus surges forward to kiss his fiancé for the very first time.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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